you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
