So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
