i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
