dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
