A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
