zippers are such a cool invention
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
