Dual....:-)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
