All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Randomize
