Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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