apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
