When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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