Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
even my farts smell like vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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