he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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