On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sext me about skeletons
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
