I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
