if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
