I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
