there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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