how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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