ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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