Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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