I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
