Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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