Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
