I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
