3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then my night got REAL pukey
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
