office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
