I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
