She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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