The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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