Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
