I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
