You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
