you're like a bully in the Christmas story
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
