I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
