So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
