do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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