i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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