He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
