Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
third nipple confirmed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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