I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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