why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
