i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
