5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
