Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
