He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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