There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
