Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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