Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
