I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize