He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
