Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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