All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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