Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize