Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
