I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
