im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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