she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
