she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
