can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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