So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
