So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
