Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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