There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
