i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
